Children's Grief Phases
Infants
Death is not comprehended, but feelings of loss and separation are. A child may become sluggish, quiet, less responsive, physical changes (lose weight) and have disturbed sleep patterns.
Children Ages 2 to 3
Death is confused with sleep. From age three anxiety/distress might be experienced and a child might stop talking.
Children Ages 3 to 6
There still exists a confusion between death and sleep with a child still believing the deceased is still alive but not as before. Children may ask about the deceased (for example, how does the person eat) and have thoughts that is only temporary.
There may be problems with eating and sleeping along with bladder and bowel problems.
Children Ages 6 to 9
By age 6-9 children are often quite inquisitive about death but see is generaally as affecting others (especially the elderly).
Death may frighten the child and can cause fear of school, learning difficulties, anti-social behavior (especially so in boys), fear of their own mortality, or make them withdrawn. Conversely, grieving childen may seek out greater affection/protection from others
In dealing with their own grief a surving parent may make a child feel abandoned - a feeling they may also have about the parent who has 'left them'.
Children Ages 9 and Up
By age nine, death is accepted as unavoidable and by age twelve as something that happens to us all.
Adults will often deal with their grief privately but for children talking to others is a means to verify that what they have experienced is real. Although siblings may be used to 'test the water' it is from adults (even strangers) that they seek real confirmation.
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